Scar is a permanent one

Have you gotten a scar before? It's permanent right. Once you get it, it will follows you forever. Even after a long time, when you touched it again it still hurt. I almost forget about it until today when i viewed back the photos taken...and the shout out they posted. There were a moment i wanted to comment but something hold me back. I wanted to congrates him. I wanted to encourage them but I was reminded that i can't do that now. It's a past. Our friendship is a past now. I thought i already get over it after a week without tears. However, it still hurts when i think about it again. How come we will end up like this? How come they don't come looking for me? Have they forgotten all the times we had together? or are the memories only precious to me alone...there's so much left unsaid ><

一切都只是一个谎言

First chinese blog title. YAY! My new added revelation: to learn chinese^^ I'm currently learning chinese from Mr.Google! He's really a good teacher! teehee =)

BUT, i know the title is not a good one. Everything is a lie. I don't know if you still read my blog since you doesn't care about me anymore. Anyway, it's my blog. (my twin daughter said; it's your blog..u can write anything u want!^^) So, I just want to write whatever i'm feeling. There is so many questions in my head since i came back from UK. So many left unanswered. The things you promised and said when we're in UK, it's not happening now. What are you thinking? Are you doing the same thing to me again? HMM...I know i can't demand anything from you now.

P/S: I think i'm really a demanding person. Is it bad? If it is..i will change ><

Another heartache night. I didn't know that i made you tired. I didn't know that i gave you so much pressure. All i thought was to tell you the best for you. I thought by telling you the truth would be good for you. I just don't want other people to see in a way that you are not grown up yet. I thought when you said sisterhood means i can tell you everything. But, maybe it was all "I thought". I'm sorry for making you tired, breathless and pressured..but i guess sorry is all too late. I just want to tell you i didn't step back first. It was you guys that gave up on me first...

nvm...it only sound as if i'm defending myself now..><

am i that complicated? am i that demanding? am i that difficult to deal with? is everyone bearing with me all this while? when will another one leave me???

To Them

I really treasure this 2 years of friendship with you guys. Although it's not long, it's enough to leave a deep memory inside me. Browsing through all the pictures we took, so many happy memories flashed back. We went so many places together, did so many silly and crazy things together and we celebrated each other birthdays with surprises! I will always remember the birthday party you guys throw for me at Kuantan. It was full of surprises and funs! It will always be embedded in my mind forever.

The time we spent in Villa Angsana is the best time we had. Play Station, dim sum, Uma Rani, pillow talk, birthday surprise, feeding fish, playing with dog and we even burn midnight oil together to rush for all the stupid assignments. I think there's never a time that we quarreled which makes our friendship more valuable and special to me. Well, maybe i did with some of you. But, I'm glad that we always get back together and understand each other better after the cold war. All these created the happiest moment in my life...

BUT, things are different now. There were no longer us but me alone. There's so much things happened in the past four months. Good and bads. I didn't realized there were dissatisfaction inside you guys about me. Maybe you guys tolerated me too much and now you guys finally gave up and it marks an end to our friendship. Even if one day, we get back together, I know that we will never be the same anymore. Reason, your ignorance in a foreign countries and the things that you said about me hurts me deeply. It makes me lost the trust in this precious friendship and it haunts me every time i talked to people now. I know i'm not perfect but to be treated this way...the question 'do i deserve this treatment from you guys'? will always popped up in my mind. I'm not angry or blaming anyone. All that has happened, i can only blame myself for not being the perfect friend that you're looking for.

Wishing all of you the best in everything you do and your future undertakings. Best of luck in the coming CIMA Nov sitting.

Sincerely,

Chelle

Question Mark?

why is it you that i think of when i needed supports? That night i seek Lord for an answer..but i didn't get the answer i wanted. Wrong timing again? or i expected too much which is impossible for one to fulfill.