FRIENDSHIP: Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:
- The tendency to desire what is best for the other
- Sympathy and empathy
- Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
- Mutual understanding and compassion
- Trust in one another (able to express feelings - including in relation to the other's actions - without the fear of being judged); able to go to each other for emotional support
- Positive reciprocity - a relationship is based on equal give and take between the two parties.
TAKEN FROM WIKIPEDIA.COM
Wondering why i google best friend and friendship? I want to remind myself how naive i am for thinking i can be 100% honest to my best friends in ALL areas including pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart and express my feelings towards them without the fear of being judged. I was WRONG. I am being judged all the time in our friendship. I thought by encouraging one to voice out any dissatisfaction about me IN FRONT of me would prevent them from talking behind me. I was WRONG.
Have you ever wonder how is it like to be dump by your best friend, not one of them but three of them in a place that you're not familiar with, a place that there is no one to rely except them? But, they've already left you so who can you rely and turn to when all you need is support? Ask me and i'll let you know how it feels and who to seek.
Here is what leads to my emotion breakdown (to answer those who still concerns about me);
The reason i stayed longer in UK and not coming back immediately after my course is because of them. I thought it was the last time we can travel together so far and i really want us to have sweet memories before each of us enter the workforce. I never thought it would turn out to be the bitterest memories ever in my life. "She should go back right after the course and not joining us". I know i told you before that i need to have cash when i go back Malaysia but i did tell you that i stayed because i want to travel and go back Malaysia with you. Don't you get it? I'm willing to suffer when i go back Malaysia for the fun that we will have in UK. T.T Maybe I should actually go back because it's only me that want to travel with you all so much. You have your loved one with you already so of course my presence is not important. I was WRONG.
"She's always like that when we don't agree with her idea". snapped* This line pierced through my heart. I know I'm not perfect, i know that i'm over confident sometimes when voicing out my opinion. Sometimes, i want you all to follow my way of doing things too much that i UNINTENTIONALLY showed dissatisfied expression when you don't. But, i didn't mean it at all. I'm just sad because my idea was band. I didn't mean other thing. Why would you want to say this line to others when i'm crying. Why? Can you please tell me why? What wrong have i done that i deserve this treatment from you guys. When I cried it's because my heart was broken not because i'm asking for sympathy. Can somebody let me know what's the problem of crying when deep inside you it hurts so much?
The most heartache is the one i treated like a real sister kept quiet throughout this. I thought at least i can rely on you but you never give me any supports when i'm alone. Maybe you thought i have others to support me but who i need is my best friend. You just ignored me like them. Don't tell me you're afraid because I've told you before that i needed you to talk to me when i'm down..to show me at least you care. But, you choose to mind your own business and leave me behind. I was WRONG to think that i can rely on you.
Blame me for being mean, blame me for being ignorant, blame me for whatever you want because i have lost all of you in UK.
Tears remain.
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